Are You A Reactionary?

Stop Reacting And Learn To Calm Yourself

Transform your emotional responses from reactive chaos to mindful mastery

Someone cuts you off on the freeway. You're so angry you're slow to honk your horn because you're busy shouting and swearing after them.

You sigh loudly and often when stuck in the slow line at the supermarket.

A social media post has your hackles up and before you can stop yourself, you're typing an angry reply.

These are just a few common actions of an emotionally reactive person—quick to react to delays, issues, controversial ideas, mistakes, traffic jams, miscommunications, or other problems. You might know someone like this or may be realizing that you are one of these people.

You can feel it flaring up throughout your day. You might not realize it, but it's making your life incredibly difficult. You are imprisoned by your own emotions.

The Dog Walker Analogy

Imagine this: Someone is walking their dog using a leash that allows them to guide and control the dog's actions.

That's what a reactive person truly is—both the human and the dog.

When a dog spots a pigeon, it immediately wants to rush toward it for further inspection. The human must leap into action to prevent this from occurring.

It's exactly the same when dealing with reactivity. You see something you don't like, and your unconscious reaction is like chasing and barking at it. What you need to learn is how to become the human master who pulls you back before you react. The only way you can do that is by learning how to calm yourself.

The 5-Step PLACE Method for Emotional Regulation

P - Pause

When you feel it rising up or recognize a trigger, it's important to pause and take a breath.

Example: You're in traffic and someone cuts in because they raced to the front before a lane closes. It happens every day. Don't immediately allow yourself to get angry—shift your energy through breath.

L - Label

What exactly is your reaction? Is it anger? Frustration? Insecurity or anxiety? If someone has cut you off, there's a good chance your reaction is anger. However, as you navigate your day, there will be a range of reactions for you to label.

A - Ask

Ask yourself why this has triggered you the way it did. Did the event itself trigger you? Or is it related to something that happened previously? The point of this step is to make yourself aware of your blind spots and triggers.

Often, the emotion in our reaction stems from something simmering below the surface. It's deeper than just being cut off. You might be reacting angrily because you feel like it's going to make you late. Think about this: Have you ever cut someone off because you were running late? Probably. That doesn't make it right, but it should help you put it into perspective.

C - Choose

You've paused, labeled, and asked—now it's time to choose your response. This is a key step in the process. Think about your goal, what matters most, and how you can respond productively. Is getting angry going to help you achieve your goal?

No. The goal in our example is to get to work (or another destination) on time and safely. Getting angry will shift your focus and distract you from that goal. A better response would be to shake it off and focus on the drive.

E - Empower

Finally, it's time to empower yourself! You can only move forward if you possess the awareness necessary to create better outcomes for everyone. Of course, it isn't easy, but with practice, you'll find yourself shifting away from reactive emotions and calming yourself more effectively. It's all about building your capacity for self-reflection.

Quick Calm-Down Techniques

When you feel reactivity rising, try these immediate strategies:

• 5-5-5 Breathing: Inhale for 5 counts, hold for 5, exhale for 5

• The 3-3-3 Rule: Name 3 things you see, 3 sounds you hear, move 3 parts of your body

• Mental Reset: Ask yourself, "Will this matter in 5 years? 5 months? 5 days?

Your Journey from Reactive to Responsive

Remember, you have the power to choose your response. Every trigger is an opportunity to practice emotional mastery. The goal isn't to never feel emotions—it's to feel them without being controlled by them.

Start small. Practice the PLACE method with minor irritations first. As you build this emotional muscle, you'll find yourself naturally becoming calmer, more centered, and more in control of your reactions.

What situation will you practice this with today?